How I Deal with My Divorce

Divorce sucks. There's nothing else really to say. For a dad who dearly and deeply loves his kids to only get to see them 52 days out of the year (every other weekend) is a travesty and a literal pain. It hurts to not know what's going on with them in school and with their friends as I would were we together as a family. It hurts to have to ask to spend time with them. It really hurts to have to take them back. I get by with little things -- but things that help.

• I keep toys of theirs in the front seat of my car
• I have surrounded myself with their pictures at work
• I keep their pillows on my bed with me when they're not staying here
• I seldom put up their toys when they leave - I like it to look as though they'll be right back
• I pray for them daily -- multiple times
• I listen for music that reminds me of them and then download it to listen to again and again
• I put pictures of them up on every wall I have
• I keep every picture they draw and/or color or any crafts they do at church
• I make up songs about them, usually based on pop songs I already know -- for example:
  "Nathan Boy" or "Ivey Girl" - to the tune of Surfer Girl by the Beach Boys
  "I Love My Children" to the tune of I Love My Music by Kenny Loggins
  there's many more but I have my XM on right now and it makes it hard to think!
• I occupy much of my time organizing and making photo shows of their pictures
• I do the same with the few videos of them that I have
• Sometimes I even talk to them -- even though they're not here
• I'd like to talk to them on the phone, but their mother is asking that I pay into a prepaid cell phone to do so -- so we're working on that!
• I love them every minute of every day, and tell them so, even when they're not here

There's an odd benefit to being a divorced dad -- the times that I get my kids are so relatively few and far between that every moment is so much more treasured and valued than it ever was. When I have them the time is ours -- and no one else's.

When they're at my house, I'll often come out to look at them while they sleep. I've even taken pictures of them sleeping. I'll touch their cheek, or rest my hand on their chest to feel them breathe.

Not a moment is taken for granted. I try to milk every moment out of the time I have with them. Even in the best of circumstances for parents, the lives of their children fly by. Even more so now.

When we separated, my daughter was in to My Little Pony. Now it's Hannah Montana. My son was into choo-choo trains. Now it's Batman.

I am no longer one of the primary influences in their lives. There are others. I don't judge them because I don't know them, but I do know that they do not trump me -- and no one, no one -- absolutely no one -- loves them more than I do.

And that love -- combined with the limitless grace of God -- is what gets me by every day.

"I love my kids." It's what I say daily, thoughout the day even. And it is more true than words could ever begin to express.