I am a father.
We are not expendable or replaceable.
The father exists for his children. To separate the children from their father deeply saddens the father, but wounds and scars the children.
We are not better than the mother, nor are we lesser than the mother. Neither, however, are we equal to the mother. We are to be teammates with the mother, united in the goal of raising our children. Our roles are unique, but complimentary. Our strengths are different, just as our weaknesses are different.
I am a father.
To reduce, minimize or eliminate my role in order to meet the needs of anyone other than the children is to deny our children that innate need that only the father can meet.
My role is not negotiable, nor was it created by man or any court. It was ordained by God. It is a privilege, but it is also a responsibility. It is not a job, nor is it a right. But it is who and what I am and forever will be.
My physical presence in the day-to-day lives of my children cannot be replaced by phone calls, Emails, web cams, letters, presents or money, though those things are nice.
I am a teacher, a leader, a provider, a protector, a priest, a friend and a playmate.
For those of us who have adopted children, we fathers had an equal say in choosing our child. For those of us with birthed children, we made an equal contribution to the genetic make-up of our child.
We are not better than grandparents, uncles, aunts, or any other relatives, nor are they better than us. But we are something that none of them can ever be to our children -- we are fathers.
We are not perfect nor should it be expected of us. But we should be striving for it every day because we know that every measure of our children's health is affected by how we live our lives and how we raise our children.
We should not be punished because there are fathers who deny and neglect their responsibilities, just as the mother should not be denied for the same reason. I am not those men. I am my children's father -- I always have been and I always will be and I will never hide or run from that responsibility. Rather, I will seek it whole-heartedly all of my days.
I am a father.
I did not choose it, though I desired it. I was chosen, because God ordained it.
My children were born with a father for a reason. Fathers are necessary to create a life, and fathers are necessary to nurture and develop that life.
The role of the father is solely for the benefit of the children. To separate the children from their father will deprive the children of everything that God ordained the father to be in their lives.
I am a father and I love my children more than my own life. I thank God every day for blessing me with the honor of being their father.
I am their father. That cannot be changed.
I am their father. I am their daddy. And they are my children.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
TMI?
If you're reading this then you already know a little something about me. If not, here it is: I am divorced, and not of my choice. I love my kids. I am trying to rid myself of sinful and damaging influences that have cost me much, and I'm instead trying to fill myself with the Spirit of God. I am at risk of having my children move 700 miles away from me. My job is difficult and stressful, to say the least. I post it on my Facebook page, I'll discuss it with my closer friends at work, mention it in Sunday School and Bible Study, and I write about it in this blog.
Some might consider it "too much information." There are those who think that personal things should remain personal. I'm not one of those. In fact, I believe just the opposite. Especially for Christians. The details are not always appropriate for sharing, but the general circumstances are. I believe it's not only appropriate but necessary for us to share with one another what's going on in our lives -- particularly the difficulties, trials, and subsequent emotions. There are multiple reasons for this.
1. If we don't know, we can't pray.
There are few things that are more frustrating than hearing of a couple that is divorcing, when no one had any real knowledge that they had significant troubles. Had we been told, we could have been praying. Had we been praying, things may have been different. The situation may not have changed, but the their ability to deal with the situation from a Godly perspective, rather than a human perspective, could.
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:16
2. If we don't know, we can't minister.
None of us have been through a situation that is unique. With the knowledge of what people are going through, we can minister to those needs. Those of us who have been through same or similar circumstances can relate. Our experiences our practically worthless if kept to ourselves. What are parts of the Old and New Testament but the revelation of what others went through, experienced and learned? By sharing our experiences, we can make each other stronger, in the same way that a teacher teaches and makes his or her students smarter.
3. If we don't know, we can't see God at work.
Abraham. Isaac. Joseph. Abraham. David. Paul. What do all these men have in common? They all went through great trials. They had their failures. They had their issues. They had their difficulties. And we know all about it. We read stories about them when we're young children, and we study them as adults. We see how God used them and their circumstances to further His plan and bring glory to Him. We see how they fit into the larger picture that is God's plan. Think of what we would have missed without the knowledge of the lives and experiences of these men.
You may think, "I'm no Moses, or Abraham" or whomever. And you're not. Neither am I. We are each our own person just as they each were their own person. We each have our own contributions to make to the Christian walk of others. To the lives of others. And our failures, shortcomings and struggles are a key element of who we are. It's what we learn from and grow from. And others can learn and grow from them as well. To keep our experiences to ourselves -- good or bad ones -- is to deprive others of the opportunity to see how God has worked in our lives despite or through those circumstances.
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
It is my hope in sharing my struggles and experiences with you all that you will see God at work in my life -- for I believe He is. I hope that you will draw encouragement as/when you go through similar experiences and/or emotions. I hope that you will see that my ability to get through these messes comes not from me, but from God. I hope that you will see that my hope is not in me or others, or in luck or chance, but in the sovereign God who created all things and has a perfect plan for my life and yours. And I hope you will have the courage and humility to do the same. Not so that we receive any glory or praise, but that it all fall upon God from whom all good things come.
Some might consider it "too much information." There are those who think that personal things should remain personal. I'm not one of those. In fact, I believe just the opposite. Especially for Christians. The details are not always appropriate for sharing, but the general circumstances are. I believe it's not only appropriate but necessary for us to share with one another what's going on in our lives -- particularly the difficulties, trials, and subsequent emotions. There are multiple reasons for this.
1. If we don't know, we can't pray.
There are few things that are more frustrating than hearing of a couple that is divorcing, when no one had any real knowledge that they had significant troubles. Had we been told, we could have been praying. Had we been praying, things may have been different. The situation may not have changed, but the their ability to deal with the situation from a Godly perspective, rather than a human perspective, could.
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:16
2. If we don't know, we can't minister.
None of us have been through a situation that is unique. With the knowledge of what people are going through, we can minister to those needs. Those of us who have been through same or similar circumstances can relate. Our experiences our practically worthless if kept to ourselves. What are parts of the Old and New Testament but the revelation of what others went through, experienced and learned? By sharing our experiences, we can make each other stronger, in the same way that a teacher teaches and makes his or her students smarter.
3. If we don't know, we can't see God at work.
Abraham. Isaac. Joseph. Abraham. David. Paul. What do all these men have in common? They all went through great trials. They had their failures. They had their issues. They had their difficulties. And we know all about it. We read stories about them when we're young children, and we study them as adults. We see how God used them and their circumstances to further His plan and bring glory to Him. We see how they fit into the larger picture that is God's plan. Think of what we would have missed without the knowledge of the lives and experiences of these men.
You may think, "I'm no Moses, or Abraham" or whomever. And you're not. Neither am I. We are each our own person just as they each were their own person. We each have our own contributions to make to the Christian walk of others. To the lives of others. And our failures, shortcomings and struggles are a key element of who we are. It's what we learn from and grow from. And others can learn and grow from them as well. To keep our experiences to ourselves -- good or bad ones -- is to deprive others of the opportunity to see how God has worked in our lives despite or through those circumstances.
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
It is my hope in sharing my struggles and experiences with you all that you will see God at work in my life -- for I believe He is. I hope that you will draw encouragement as/when you go through similar experiences and/or emotions. I hope that you will see that my ability to get through these messes comes not from me, but from God. I hope that you will see that my hope is not in me or others, or in luck or chance, but in the sovereign God who created all things and has a perfect plan for my life and yours. And I hope you will have the courage and humility to do the same. Not so that we receive any glory or praise, but that it all fall upon God from whom all good things come.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Thoughts on Gay Marriage
First of all, I have several gay friends, and even some extended family. I don't hate them. I don't judge them. They are no more perfect or imperfect than any of the rest of us. My comments here are about issues, not about people, and I'm interested in hearing your feedback.
Second, I have what may be a unique view on homosexuality, considering I'm a fairly conservative guy. I do not believe that homosexuality is just a choice. I believe that most gays are genetically predisposed to it in much the same way that a person may be genetically predisposed to any number of things, good or bad. I do not believe that most gays deliberately or consciously choose that lifestyle.
Third, I try to keep my own opinion out of it and lean on what I know to be 100% timelessly true and beneficial -- the Word of God. My opinions are just that -- mine. Your opinions, likewise, are just yours. They're the opinions of two fallible people with limited knowledge. The Word of God, however, is the word of the living and perfect God who created all things and knows all things. So obviously, I'll put more faith in it than in my or your opinion. No offense.
I guess the starting point when looking at gay marriage is looking at homosexuality itself.
First of all, it is a sin. This is not a judgment or a condemnation, nor is it my opinion. This is repeatedly in the Bible. It is a sin. But it is no more of a sin than adultery, pornography or other forms of "sexual immorality" or anything else. Homosexual sin is no worse in God's eyes than heterosexual sin. Homosexual immorality is no more immoral or sinful than heterosexual immorality.
"Don't you know that those who do wrong will have no share in the Kingdom of God? Don't fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, who are idol worshipers, adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexuals, thieves, greedy people, drunkards, abusers and swindlers -- none of these will have a share in the Kingdom of God." 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (are there any of us who don't see ourselves in that passage??)
"Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity or greed among you.... You can be sure that no immoral, impure or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God.... Don't be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the terrible anger of God comes upon all those who disobey Him." Ephesians 5:3, 5-6
Second, I mentioned that I believe there may be a genetic predisposition toward homosexuality. And I do believe that. But that doesn't make it right in God's eyes. Science has also proven that a person may be genetically predisposed to alcoholism, but that doesn't justify alcoholism. It just makes it harder to avoid. With homosexuality, it makes it more difficult to resist that sin and creates a greater dependence upon God. Or it should, anyway. Same as any difficulty should. Put it this way - do you really believe God would forbid something for which we cannot help and over which we have no control?
"There was a time when some of you (previous verses) were just like that, but now your sins have been washed away, and you have been set apart for God. You have been made right with God because of what the Lord Jesus Christ and the Spirit of our God have done for you." 1 Corinthians 6:11
Third, I don't hate homosexuals. As I mentioned, I have gay coworkers, gay friends, gay cousins and have had gay teammates when I played sports. There are people I like, and those I'm not particularly drawn to -- same as anyone else. Your sexual orientation plays no part in that. It is no reason not to love someone as Christ commanded us to love others. We are not to judge. The Bible is clear on that. That's God's job. We are to love. If we are motivated by a Godly love then we may be called to challenge someone on their actions and sins -- whether they be homosexual or heterosexual -- sin is sin, and may be confronted, but only in a spirit of Godly love and conviction.
So I am opposed to homosexual marriage. Marriage is between a man and a woman. It serves the evolutionary purpose, if you will, to procreate and provide a structure in raising children. It is a Biblical illustration of God's relationship to us, His church. It is ordained by God from the beginning of time, for specific natural purposes and specific spiritual purposes.
"As the Scriptures say, 'A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and church are one." Ephesians 5:31-32
In terms of public policy, however, I do think it's important that accommodations be made for civil unions. We may be a Christian nation, but we are not all Christians, nor is our government a theocracy. It does not follow the letter of the Scriptures (though some may argue it should) -- it follows the letter of the law.
It is important for civil unions to be allowed when it comes to medical issues, child care issues, insurance and benefits, and other many legal matters. They are legally important and, I believe, necessary.
Again, speaking in terms of public policy, having some states that permit gay marriage and some that do not creates major problems. What if a couple married in Iowa moves down to Florida? Will the laws of one state force another state to comply, even if the people of that state have said they have no interest? Would Florida be forced to recognize that marriage just as Iowa does, even though Florida does not recognize it? It would create a myriad of policy problems and legal issues. It has also opened up the door, subsequently, to gay divorce and all the issues that stem from that. It creates significant issues both for governments and for businesses, small and large.
Here is the bottom line for me: God says homosexuality is wrong. I believe Him. Marriage should be a valued institution, to be protected and held high. Regrettably, it is not. The devil is actively targeting marriage and the family. He is using heterosexual sex and homosexual sex to do so. He (the devil) is tearing apart families and seeking to redefine and recreate that which God Himself created to bring glory to Him.
Christians, however, should spend more time focusing on what God says about THEIR OWN lives rather than what God says about others. If we put as much effort and energy into being who and what God wanted us to be, as opposed to trying to be God's little minions of judgment and correction, then the world would be vastly different. Families would be different. Children would be different. Relationships would be different. Laws and governments would be different. "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need." Matthew 6:33
"Since you have heard all about Him and have learned the truth that is in Jesus, throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. Instead, there must be spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. You must display a new nature because you are a new person, created in God's likeness -- righteous, holy and true." Ephesians 4:22-24 This is a passage that all of us should heed.
Second, I have what may be a unique view on homosexuality, considering I'm a fairly conservative guy. I do not believe that homosexuality is just a choice. I believe that most gays are genetically predisposed to it in much the same way that a person may be genetically predisposed to any number of things, good or bad. I do not believe that most gays deliberately or consciously choose that lifestyle.
Third, I try to keep my own opinion out of it and lean on what I know to be 100% timelessly true and beneficial -- the Word of God. My opinions are just that -- mine. Your opinions, likewise, are just yours. They're the opinions of two fallible people with limited knowledge. The Word of God, however, is the word of the living and perfect God who created all things and knows all things. So obviously, I'll put more faith in it than in my or your opinion. No offense.
I guess the starting point when looking at gay marriage is looking at homosexuality itself.
First of all, it is a sin. This is not a judgment or a condemnation, nor is it my opinion. This is repeatedly in the Bible. It is a sin. But it is no more of a sin than adultery, pornography or other forms of "sexual immorality" or anything else. Homosexual sin is no worse in God's eyes than heterosexual sin. Homosexual immorality is no more immoral or sinful than heterosexual immorality.
"Don't you know that those who do wrong will have no share in the Kingdom of God? Don't fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, who are idol worshipers, adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexuals, thieves, greedy people, drunkards, abusers and swindlers -- none of these will have a share in the Kingdom of God." 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (are there any of us who don't see ourselves in that passage??)
"Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity or greed among you.... You can be sure that no immoral, impure or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God.... Don't be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the terrible anger of God comes upon all those who disobey Him." Ephesians 5:3, 5-6
Second, I mentioned that I believe there may be a genetic predisposition toward homosexuality. And I do believe that. But that doesn't make it right in God's eyes. Science has also proven that a person may be genetically predisposed to alcoholism, but that doesn't justify alcoholism. It just makes it harder to avoid. With homosexuality, it makes it more difficult to resist that sin and creates a greater dependence upon God. Or it should, anyway. Same as any difficulty should. Put it this way - do you really believe God would forbid something for which we cannot help and over which we have no control?
"There was a time when some of you (previous verses) were just like that, but now your sins have been washed away, and you have been set apart for God. You have been made right with God because of what the Lord Jesus Christ and the Spirit of our God have done for you." 1 Corinthians 6:11
Third, I don't hate homosexuals. As I mentioned, I have gay coworkers, gay friends, gay cousins and have had gay teammates when I played sports. There are people I like, and those I'm not particularly drawn to -- same as anyone else. Your sexual orientation plays no part in that. It is no reason not to love someone as Christ commanded us to love others. We are not to judge. The Bible is clear on that. That's God's job. We are to love. If we are motivated by a Godly love then we may be called to challenge someone on their actions and sins -- whether they be homosexual or heterosexual -- sin is sin, and may be confronted, but only in a spirit of Godly love and conviction.
So I am opposed to homosexual marriage. Marriage is between a man and a woman. It serves the evolutionary purpose, if you will, to procreate and provide a structure in raising children. It is a Biblical illustration of God's relationship to us, His church. It is ordained by God from the beginning of time, for specific natural purposes and specific spiritual purposes.
"As the Scriptures say, 'A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and church are one." Ephesians 5:31-32
In terms of public policy, however, I do think it's important that accommodations be made for civil unions. We may be a Christian nation, but we are not all Christians, nor is our government a theocracy. It does not follow the letter of the Scriptures (though some may argue it should) -- it follows the letter of the law.
It is important for civil unions to be allowed when it comes to medical issues, child care issues, insurance and benefits, and other many legal matters. They are legally important and, I believe, necessary.
Again, speaking in terms of public policy, having some states that permit gay marriage and some that do not creates major problems. What if a couple married in Iowa moves down to Florida? Will the laws of one state force another state to comply, even if the people of that state have said they have no interest? Would Florida be forced to recognize that marriage just as Iowa does, even though Florida does not recognize it? It would create a myriad of policy problems and legal issues. It has also opened up the door, subsequently, to gay divorce and all the issues that stem from that. It creates significant issues both for governments and for businesses, small and large.
Here is the bottom line for me: God says homosexuality is wrong. I believe Him. Marriage should be a valued institution, to be protected and held high. Regrettably, it is not. The devil is actively targeting marriage and the family. He is using heterosexual sex and homosexual sex to do so. He (the devil) is tearing apart families and seeking to redefine and recreate that which God Himself created to bring glory to Him.
Christians, however, should spend more time focusing on what God says about THEIR OWN lives rather than what God says about others. If we put as much effort and energy into being who and what God wanted us to be, as opposed to trying to be God's little minions of judgment and correction, then the world would be vastly different. Families would be different. Children would be different. Relationships would be different. Laws and governments would be different. "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need." Matthew 6:33
"Since you have heard all about Him and have learned the truth that is in Jesus, throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. Instead, there must be spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. You must display a new nature because you are a new person, created in God's likeness -- righteous, holy and true." Ephesians 4:22-24 This is a passage that all of us should heed.
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