No Way Out

Recently I was thinking about all the obstacles that seem to be stacked up before me – continuing issues with the divorce, job issues, money issues, living arrangement issues, parenting issues, etc. And it really got me down. It almost ruined my whole weekend. It made me feel hemmed in, like there was nowhere I could go and no way out. It's not a good feeling! I sent out an Email to some friends in a Bible study group and a few others to request their prayers for me in this and God put something on my heart that I feel I am responsible to share:

I love the Old Testament. It just seems to be very real people, making very real mistakes, seeing very real works of God, and requiring very real faith. Jesus had not yet come. It was but a promise to them – a prophecy. But not a reality as it is – or should be – to us. I often find myself looking behind the story and trying to get inside the heads of those involved. Not just the main characters, however, but the supporting cast. What were they thinking? How was God working in their hearts and minds? And how was the devil working against God?

I was reminded of the story of the children of Israel, the Israelites, and their escape from captivity in Egypt. God delivered them and had Moses lead them away to what they expected would be freedom. They would get their freedom and their deliverance, but not the way that I’m sure they had expected. Rather, they got their deliverance exactly the way God intended. The story is found in Exodus 13:17 – 14:31.

The story begins with this statement, “When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter…. So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea.” God intentionally took them the harder way. The longer way. But He had a plan and He knew more than the Israelites would ever know. In the middle of those two statements God explains why He did this – “For God said, ‘If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.’” God knew that the shorter route would lead them into potential war, and that the Israelites, after so many years in captivity, would likely opt for the slavery they knew than the war they had never experienced. In short – God knew them better than they knew themselves, and He knew what He was doing!

As they were marching through the desert, optimistic about their future and hopeful for their destination, they noticed, apparently from a high point in their journey, that the Egyptian army had taken up arms and had begun pursuing them. Their response was not unlike ours when we find unexpected complications in our plans, rather than looking at the big picture of God’s plan. And this is what I like about the Old Testament accounts – you can hear the sarcasm in their complaints. You can hear their self-centeredness rather than God-centeredness. You can hear their victim mentality rather than the mentality of people who serve an Almighty God. “They said to Moses, ‘Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!’”

Moses response was simple – “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” I LOVE that verse! But do you think they did what Moses commanded (note, it was a command – not a request)? We don’t know for sure… but I’d be surprised if the majority followed his direction. Note also how definitive and absolute all of the language was. There was no ambiguity, nothing was vague, nothing was uncertain, and everything was definite. Yet still we doubt.

Imagine their situation: They are cresting a mountain range after struggling their way to the top, from which they look down behind them and see the dust clouds raised from the Egyptian horses, chariots and soldiers. They are immediately afraid. They look down before them and see the expanse of the Red Sea. The portion of the Red Sea they saw was the eastern of the two “fingertips” of the Red Sea, between which rests the Sinai Peninsula. The portion they faced measured approximately ten miles across. TEN MILES! The deepest parts of this portion of the Red Sea can be as much as 5,000 FEET deep! What do you think they thought when they looked down upon this extreme and very legitimate obstacle? And when they looked back and saw the might of the Egyptian army in pursuit? Hope? Peace? Confidence? Optimism? Quite the contrary, I would think, despite Moses’ exhortations and commands.

But what happened? I think we all know. God commanded Moses to extend his arms out over the sea. God parted the seas. Not only did he part the seas, He gave them DRY GROUND upon which to walk – no slipping, no sinking in the mud, no dangers of any kind. Safe, dry ground. For ten miles across, and approximately a quarter to a half-mile wide. And the depth? The area the Israelites are believed to have crossed “just happens” (remember, there was no sonar back in that day!) to have been positioned directly between the greatest depths of the entire Red Sea, one measuring 3000 feet deep, the other 5000 feet deep. And the Israelites passed right between them, at the most reasonable point possible.

On either side of them they faced, the Bible says, “a wall of water.” Wow. How must THAT have made them feel? Do you think there were still those skeptics who said “Yeah, the ground is dry now, and we’re ok now, but look at THAT! That could come down any minute!” Do you think we would say that? I know I would – and probably do in my own circumstances.

And as they crossed, and as they ascended the western bank of the sea and looked back, what did they see? The Egyptian army – still in pursuit and closing ever faster. Do you think there were those who thought they passed through the sea only to die on the other side at the hand of the Egyptians? I'm sure there were. But I think we all know the outcome. The Egyptians followed the Israelites down into the Red Sea passage. They traveled over the same dry ground. They looked up at the same walls of water to their north and south, left and right. God let them begin to cross. Do you think the Israelites complained about this? Surely! God let them experience the same miraculous passage. And did the Israelites complain? Again, it is not recorded, but I’d bet on it that they did!

“The Egyptians pursued them, and all Pharaoh’s horses and chariots and horsemen followed them into the sea. During the last watch of the night (at the last minute, perhaps?) the Lord looked down… at the Egyptian army and threw it into confusion. He made the wheels of their chariots come off so that they had difficulty driving. And the Egyptians said ‘Let’s get away from the Israelites! The Lord is fighting for them against Egypt!’” So, however far through the passage they were, the Egyptians stopped and began to turn around, as best as they could, given the confusion God was creating amongst them.

“Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and at daybreak the sea went back into its place. The Egyptians were fleeing toward it, and the Lord swept them into the sea. The water flowed back and covered the chariots and horsemen – the entire army of Pharaoh that had followed the Israelites into the sea. Not one of these survived.”

Why?? Why did God allow His people to go through this?? To experience this fear? To literally fear for their lives? To question His providence and plan? To suffer the psychological and emotional anguish of their predicament? Easy. God says it in the Scriptures. At the end of the account the author concludes “And when the Israelites saw the great power the Lord displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the Lord and put their trust in Him and in Moses His servant.” And at the beginning of the account as well the Lord tells Moses that “I will gain glory for myself through Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am the Lord.” When the Israelites find themselves hemmed in between the army of Pharaoh and the expanse of the Red Sea, God again tells Moses “I will gain glory through Pharaoh and all his army, through his chariots and his horsemen. The Egyptians will know that I am the Lord when I gain glory through Pharaoh, his chariots, and his horsemen.”

And something that isn’t mentioned in the Scriptures but is there nonetheless – had the children of Israel not been put in that position, had they not responded the way they did, had it not been recorded, and had it not been canonized into the Bible, we would know nothing of it. We would not know the amazing power and faithfulness of God. We would not see that to doubt and fear is both normal and human, though it is also both unnecessary and inappropriate. Bottom line – it is all for His glory. Period. And it should be viewed as our privilege to be a part of it. And when we are a allowed to be a part of it, we need to share it with the world around us. It is our responsibility.

I say this to me, and I say this to you – actually, not me, but God says it – no matter your obstacles, no matter who or what is pursuing you, no matter what fears and doubts you may have (slightly paraphrased):

“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The fears you experience today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Exodus 14:13-14

An incredible link I found, and from which I obtained some of this information is below – I’d highly encourage you to check it out when you have half an hour or so to watch the YouTube. The basics can be viewed in about 5-10 minutes, though.
http://www.arkdiscovery.com/red_sea_crossing.htm

So You Want To Be Like Jesus?

You hear it a lot in Christian circles – “I just want to be like Christ” – in some form or another. And I, too, am one of those with that aspiration. But it occurred to me recently that perhaps we don’t really grasp the full meaning of that statement. In our pursuit of friends, love, relationships, career, family, money, status, success, happiness, respect, appreciation, justice and fairness, youth and so much more – do we really want to be like Christ? Do we really grasp everything that this entails? Who was Jesus, anyway?

Do you want youthfulness and beauty? Attractiveness? “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.” (Isaiah 53:2b)

Do you desire friends and acceptance by your peers? “He was despised and rejected by men….” (Isaiah 53:3a)

Do you fight for justice and fairness for yourself? “He was oppressed and afflicted yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter….” (Isaiah 53:7)

Do you want happiness and peace? To be able to enjoy life to the fullest? “…A man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering….” (Isaiah 53:3b) “Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer….” (Isaiah 53:10a)

Do you want a nice home, in a nice neighborhood? “Jesus replied, ‘Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.’” (Matthew 8:20)

Do you want to be respected by those you work with and those you love? “Then the whole town went out to meet Jesus. And when they saw him, they pleaded with him to leave their region.” (Matthew 8:34)

Do you want loyal friends? In Matthew 26:69 – 75 one of Jesus’ closest disciples (friends), Peter, publicly disowned Him at His time of greatest need – when he had been arrested and put on trial for His very life.

Do you want friends who will support you when you need it most? In Matthew 26:36 – 46 Jesus’ disciples could not even stay awake with him as He prayed for His Father to spare His life – the day before He was to die an awful death. In Mark 6:1 – 6 Jesus’ disciples fled when the Roman soldiers and Jewish leaders came to arrest him.

Do you want to be respected by your peers? In Matthew 27:11 – 26, Jesus’ own people, the Jews, turned on Him and called publicly for his crucifixion.

Jesus never married - and this in a time when people married in their teens and began having children almost immediately.

Jesus didn't have a career or a formal job. He could have. We know He was a carpenter. And as the perfect Son of God - I'm sure he was pretty good at what He did and could have done quite well with it as a career!

So – do you really want to be like Jesus? Do you want what the world says is success, or do you want what Jesus lived? In my own life – dealing with a divorce, dealing with financial issues, dealing with a loss of status, and a difficult job – this is not exactly what I had in mind when I first thought to strive to be Christlike. I would, of course, love to have a big house again, live in a nice neighborhood again, have a complete family again, have a well-paying job again, and all the things that the world says define success and who you are. But I am trying to learn to be content with what I have – all of which is more than Jesus had in his relatively few years on earth - years which I have already surpassed.

Materially – I already have more than He ever had – I have two paying jobs. I have a place to live. I have my own transportation, beautiful children, friends, some material things, etc. But He had joy and peace that I have yet to fully experience. And I look forward to achieving that goal.

So – what is it we really want? To be like the Christ the world sees – “a good guy”? Or to be like Christ actually was – a totally selfless and wholly dedicated servant of God? It doesn't mean that you'll have to live the life that Jesus lived and give up the many things we treasure. But it does mean that you must be willing to. Like the story of the rich young ruler (Matthew 19:16 - 30), you must be willing.

We each need to make up our own minds. But know what you’re asking for!

Thoughts on Being Pro-Life

I was speaking to a friend the other day about the issue and he, representing the opposing view, had some arguments of his own. They were nothing I hadn't heard before, but they got me thinking about what I believed and why so I thought I'd jot those thoughts down before they got lost in the mire that is my mind!

I believe that life begins at conception
Biology is admittedly not my strong-suit. But this I know -- at the moment of conception that child, fetus, zygote, embryo, or whatever you want to call it -- has it's own unique DNA. It distinguishes it from any other part of the mother's body and establishes it as a separate living thing, being supported by the mother's body.

Here's an interesting angle on this thought -- take a newly formed zygote and somehow place it on Mars and find a way to sustain it, within reach of the Mars lander. Once the lander locates that zygote you will hear it trumpeted by every media that human life has been found on Mars. Guaranteed. And if you can put it up there but can't sustain it you will hear the same thing, but that human life HAS existed on Mars. But put that same zygote inside a woman's uterus and it's just another piece of her body. Go figure.

A woman has every right to her body
"My body, my choice!" is sometimes the battle cry. And I agree. A woman can do whatever she wants to do with her body. Tattoo it, pierce it, tan it, bleach it, tone it, fatten it, cut it, shoot it, or even end it. I don't necessarily advocate all of those, but it's her body and she can do it without being prosecuted by the law. But the child within her is not just another part of her body.

From conception it has its own unique DNA. Only eighteen days after conception, the child has its own heartbeat. After 21 days the heart is pumping its own blood, with its own blood type. Six weeks from conception the child has its own brainwaves. Its own unique fingerprints are formed by 14 weeks. By nine weeks, all the systems are in place for the child to sense and feel pain.

Now, again, I don't know much about biology. But I've never met a woman who had two different sets of DNA, two different hearts, two different circulatory systems, two different sets of brainwaves, multiple fingerprints, and, potentially, two different blood types. It's not even that uncommon any more for a "white" woman to give birth to a "black" child -- or vice versa. Or how about if the child is male? Does that woman now have a, um, well, you know! Call it what you want, but that unborn child is not just another part of the woman's body. It is a unique, separate, living being, supported at that time by the mother's body.

What about rape, incest, or when the life of the mother is in danger?
Each are tragic and terribly difficult decisions. But they are completely separate issues. If you accept that the unborn child is a separate and unique human life then there is no question. We are to make every effort to sustain all life, no matter its origins.

Yes, it's terribly difficult for the woman or girl involved -- I've no doubt and don't begin to minimize it. But if the conception is the result of a crime why do we need another victim? Is that child going to be a rapist because its birth-father was? Do all children of criminals become criminals? Do all children of pastors become pastors? No. If we demonize that unborn child then of course the mother will hate that child and be haunted by it every day. But if we treat it for what it is -- a new, innocent, and precious human life -- then it has the potential to be the good that comes from the bad. To paraphrase the Gospels, we can take what was made for evil and make it be for good.

Also, numerous studies have shown that women are likely to suffer psychologically if and when they have an abortion. Would a woman who has already been vicitmized sexually and physically be any less vulnerable to this psychological trauma? Or would they be more likely?

Rape and incest are horrible. I actually wouldn't oppose seeing the death penalty on the table for those crimes. But don't punish this child who had nothing to do with the circumstances of their conception.

How can you be pro-life and support the death penalty? It's contradictory and hypocritical!
No -- actually it's very consistent. I oppose abortion because I believe in and support the sanctity of human life. It is to be protected at all costs. I support the death penalty because the person who may be subject to this penalty has taken a human life. They have definitively violated forever the sanctity of human life. They have disrespected it. Currently the death penalty is only warranted for murder. The person who is executed is executed because they are guilty of the crime of murder. The child who is aborted is guilty of nothing. They are the antithesis of the murderer. They are the epitome of innocence.

And my previous comment about putting the death penalty on the table for rape? I can't think of any other crime that could possibly be worse than murder. Rape has the potential to essentially take a life, without killing the body. It violates the woman's body. It violates her control over her body. It eliminates her choice over what happens with her body. It alters the course of her life. It damages her psychologically, physcially, emotionally and sexually. I don't advocate it for all rapes -- but I do think it should be an option on the table when sentencing is determined. And I think it is totally consistent with being pro-life.

So you're going to put a girl in jail for having an abortion? That's very loving of you, Christian!
No -- the girl seeking the abortion is the victim just the same as the child. I would seek to punish the medical staff who would be conducting the abortion. I see no real difference between the abortion provider and the assisted suicide physician, such as Jack Kevorkian.

I would never seek to levy any punishment or penalty on the woman involved.

If you're so pro-life why don't you offer to take one of these unwanted babies??
I did, and I have. My daughter is adopted. My wife and I were involved with the foster care program in the state of Florida where we fostered several children and eventually adopted our daughter. My sister has an adopted son. I have many Christian and pro-life friends who have adopted. And my mother, and my entire family to varying degrees, have been involved in ministries and service provision to women who find themselves with unwanted pregnancies.

Personally, I'd like to see more Christians and pro-lifers become involved in foster care and adopting children from within the United States. But no one is perfect, and no group is without it's hypocrites. But don't take me or my family to task on this. We do and have done our best to practice what we believe.

You can honestly look at those pictures of an embryo can call them a human being?
Yes. This argument seeks to judge an unborn child based upon their looks. I thought in the day and age where we had a woman contending for President of the United States and we elected an African-American to the position for the first time would be beyond this. So how about the thousands of children born every year with severe birth defects? Those born with missing, malformed or misplace limbs? Those born with organs outside of their bodies? Those born with mis-shaped and malformed faces? How about those who, well into their adult lives, are horribly disfigured by burns, acids, or other horrible events? Those who lose limbs? Are they any less human because they don't look like you or me?


I could go on an on with such arguments. I don't know that I'll change anyone's minds with these, and that's not my intent. Only God can change someone's mind. These are just my thoughts. Take 'em or leave 'em.

Learning

Now that I'm almost six months removed from being divorced, I've been learning many things about how God intends us to live. About how we are supposed to think and the perspectives we are to have. Your feedback and comments, or relevant verses, are appreciated.

I'm learning that it's not about what we want, but what we have. And what we do with what we have.

I'm learning that God doesn't want me to pray for what He can do FOR me. He wants me to pray for what He can do WITH me.

I am not to pray for a better job. I am to pray to do a better job and be a better person at the job I currently have.

I am not to pray for more money or a higher paying job. I am to faithfully state my trust and faith that He will meet my needs. How He does it is up to Him.

I am not to worry about what I do not have. But to be thankful for all the things I do have. God is faithful, His promises are true, and He will take care of my needs.

I'm learning that it's not about what I think or want. And it's not about what others may think or want. It's about what God knows and wants.

It's not about what I want to do with my life. It's about what God wants to do with my life.

It's not about my reputation or what I learn or accomplish in life. It's about what I do for God's glory and for His Kingdom.

I am learning that I need to see people not as the world sees people, and not as they see themselves, but as Christ sees them.

I am learning that the knowledge of man, or woman, is finite and ultimately flawed. But the knowledge of God is perfect and infinite.

I am learning that decisions must be made not with my desires and plans in mind, and not with the desires or plans of others in mind, but with the will of God in mind. I am learning that many, if not most, will not understand that. And I am learning that obedience and faithfulness can be lonely at times.

I am learning that God wants us to be concerned with what we do with what we have -- not to be consumed with what we think we need. He doesn't want us to put off doing things today for what we think will be a better tomorrow. He doesn't want us to see our weaknesses or shortcomings or disadvantages as things that hold us back. He wants us to act in spite of our weaknesses, shortcomings, and/or disadvantages so that when He completes a work in our lives He alone will get the glory and honor. And in that we will receive our reward.

I am learning that sin has consequences. But repentance and confession grant forgiveness and hope.

I am learning that I am very much a sinner. But that I am also very much a child of God.

I am learning that God doesn't view people through titles, prefixes or labels. He sees them through the loving eyes of a Creator. He loves all, regardless of who they are or what they have done. And He expects us to do the same. Whether they are friends or enemies, neighbors or strangers -- we are commanded (not asked) to love them.

I am a father who loves his kids more than anything. And I have a Father who loves us more than anything. I am to love my children as He loves us. I am to disciple my children.

It's not enough that I AM a father. I am tasked to BE a father.

I am learning that what we think to be the easy way seldom is and never works compared to when we do things God's way -- even though God's way may seem more difficult or even impossible. And many times, it is not even fully known.

God's will is perfect. But it is seldom easy. The will and the work of God will be fought and resisted mightily. The greater the work, the greater the resistance. We must take refuge in and draw our strength from His Word and from fellowship with Him and His people. To act alone, or to act with counsel that is not from God, is to exacerbate the difficulties, expand the problems, and lengthen the process. In short, it is to opt for the pain of pride over the peace of obedience.

I am not a changed man. But I am a changing man. I am not a perfect man. In fact, I am painfully aware of my imperfections. I don't want my will for my life. I want only God's. I'm nobody special. But I am a child of God. I still haven't fully learned anything. But I am learning many things. It's a start. And it's a good place to be.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil." Proverbs 3:5-7

My 2009 Challenge - be a Godly ex-Husband

Christmas and New Year's are always times for reflection. Whether your year was good or bad, we tend to reflect some upon it and what we hope for or hope to improve upon in the next year. I've been doing some of that today and thought that these might be worth jotting down.

2008 marked the first full year of being separated/divorced. As a result, I've spent much time in prayer and thought regarding my circumstances and what God's Word has to say about them. I had an opportunity to be a godly husband. I regrettably failed to fully act upon it. Now, my challenge is different -- to be a godly ex-husband. And I am determined not to let this calling go unanswered. It's a difficult question and not one so directly addressed in the Bible. But it's one that I think is just as important, if not, perhaps more so, because so many choose to pursue the world's definition of an ex-spouse.

I have my kids coming over this week for five days, so I thought I'd better do some cleaning and straightening up of things. In doing so I came across many things from when we were married. Nothing of any great significance, but little things that just made me reflect upon those days past. Things like my sons baby socks, some simple little photos, and just odds and ends that recalled certain events or times. It brought back memories of the good times -- clothes she gave me for birthday or Christmas or Father's Day, for example. But at the same time, I can't forget the difficulties we had. And while I can't change the past, I can influence the future -- quite positively if I am able to be the godly ex-husband God wants me to be. But how to do that?

1. Accept Responsibility
   It's easy to blame the other spouse in a divorce. But no matter the circumstances involved, there is always responsibility for both parties. It may be 50/50, 10/90, 90/10, 1/99 or whatever, but there is always responsibility for both parties. And while it's easy to dwell upon the contributions of the other, it's pointless. We can't change them, much less control them. We can only change ourselves and affect our own behavior, so it's essential to first identify and accept responsibility for our own contributions.
   
   Mine was two-fold. I failed to be the spiritual leader the Bible calls me to be. And I allowed influences into our home that contributed negatively to my spiritual leadership, to my affection for my wife, to our relationship, and to our family.
   
   It's easy to rationalize excuses -- at least it was at the time. Some may have been accurate, some may not have been, but it doesn't matter. God doesn't allow us any conditions for being a spiritual leader (or Biblically submissive wife, as the case may be) or for the thoughts and behaviors we entertain.
   
   "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." (Eph 5:25). "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord." (Eph 5:22) No conditions there. Just very simple, explicit, yet monumentally difficult to carry-out commands -- difficult, that is, if we attempt it on our own. Likewise, "Live as children of light... and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness." (Eph 5:8-11) It's interesting to note that the verses and chapter (Eph 4-5:21) that immediately preceed the section on husbands and wives (Eph 5:22 - 33) deal with having Godly behaviour. My Bible has the subheading "Living as Children of Light." The implication, to me anyway, is that if you're not living as Christ commands, you won't be able to live up to the calling God has for you as a husband or wife. And I would have to say that I regrettably found that to be the case.
   
   If your only perspective is that of what your ex did, regardless of how bad it was, then I don't think it's possible to be a godly ex. In that case, all judgement is directed outward, and is futile. To make a difference, it must be directed inward, where it can be acted upon and fully addressed.
   
   It doesn't matter if she won't forgive me -- I can't make her do that, and if I hadn't've given myself over to sinful behaviors she wouldn't be in the position to do so anyway. Regardless of her contributions, mine are the only ones for which I am accountable. And therefore those are the only ones with which I need to be concerned.
   
   
2. Love your ex
   I think this easily falls under the category of "easier said than done"! No matter what led to the divorce, there is likely to be bitterness on both parts. One mate feels rejected, and the other felt betrayed or slighted in some fashion. Divorce is not something that breeds love. But this one is really pretty easy to figure out. It's just extremely difficult to do. The world tells us to hate our exes. To badmouth them. Curse them. Give them a crude or off-color ring-tone on your cell phone (Meredith Brooks anyone?). But this is not how God wants us to respond. Regardless of which side of the equation you may find yourself, we are never called or given permission to hate someone; to hold a grudge; to be bitter; to slander; to ridicule or demean.
   
   In fact, the Bible is very clear and thorough. It calls us to love our neighbors and our family. Yet it also calls us to love our enemies. There are many great verses to support this:
   
   "Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs." (Prov 10:12) What divorced person hasn't seen that first part played out in their lives. But have any of us seen the second half played out? Wouldn't that be a nice change of pace.
   
   "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...." (Mat 5:44) How many of us pray for our ex -- productive prayers, not bitter prayers. Yet this is what we are commanded to do.
   
   "Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord." (Lev 19:18) This was spoken to the people of Israel, encouraging them to love their fellow Israelite. Our ex-spouse is our neighbor. And this is the command from God Himself. It's very clear. We are to love our neighbor. Therefore we are to love our ex.
   
   "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." (Luke 6:27-28) If this doesn't describe most divorce relationships, I don't know what does.
   
   There are many more verses to illustrate this -- feel free to comment with others. You can't have too much Scripture to prove a point! But the bottom line is simple to state, though perhaps difficult to live out -- love your ex. Whether they are your neighbor, or your enemy, they are to be loved. Period.
   
   
3. Forgive Him/Her
   I think I'll just let the Scriptures speak to this:
   "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you." (Eph 4:32) It just doesn't get any more clear than that.
   
   
4. Support Them More than the Law Requires
   To the degree this is possible, this, I believe, is something that God requires. And this is one a lot would have a big problem with. I'll pose three proofs for this:
   
   "If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you." (Prov 25:21-22)
   
   "And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles." (Matt 5:40-41)
   
   "But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked." (Luke 6:35)
   
   
5. Pray for your Ex
   "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...." (Mat 5:44) Yeah, I know - I used this one earlier. But it's that good - and that important.
   
   "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." (Luke 6:27-28) Yep, this is a repeat too. But again -- worth repeating.
   
   "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." (James 5:16) Who of us who are divorced doesn't need to be healed? And how many of us have yet to confess our sins, especially the sin that may have contributed to the divorce, to another believer? This goes back to accepting responsibility.
   
   "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philp 4:6-7) How many of us worry about our situation, or our custody arrangement, or what our ex will do next? In short -- don't worry about it. Take it to God. And you'll have his peace.
   
   I'm no Bible scholar. I'm just a divorced guy who dearly loves his family - yes, even my ex-wife. By God's grace, I do care for her and pray for her daily. I want His best for her. And I hate that I failed to be the Godly man God called me to be when we were married. I was arguably a good man. I was arguably a good husband. But regrettably, I did not place my relationship with God first and foremost, and therefore, was not a Godly man or husband. I can't change that now. But I can change things from this point forward. And my only motive is this -- because it's what God wants me to do.
   
   Maybe it's preparing me for a new relationship. Maybe it's to be an example for other men in similar situations. Maybe it will pave the way for reconciliation. Or maybe -- just maybe -- it's as simple as this: it's what God wants me to do.
   
   I hope this offers some encouragement to those who are in a similar situation. I'm with God on this one -- I hate divorce. I hate what it's done to me, to her, to our kids especially, and to our families. I hate what it does to Christmas and other special occasions. I hate it. But by trying to be a Godly ex-husband, I believe -- no, I know -- that it will help me be a Godly father and a Godly man, and this will bring peace to our lives.
   
   Next Christmas I hope to have more positive reflections on the year. I hope I will look back upon a year of great spiritual growth and maturation. I hope it will reflect upon my children. And I hope it will honor God.
   
   
   
   Have a happy and blessed 2009!
   
   
   
   

To Christians Unhappy with the Election of Barack Obama

Barack Obama was elected President of the United States on November 4, 2008. Elected. Which means "to choose, to pick out, to select." He was selected by the majority of Americans. But more importantly, he was selected by God.

There are those who say that President Bush is the worst president ever. But, the truth is, he is the perfect president. Perfect for the eight years he will have spent as president. And Barack Obama will be the perfect president for the next four to eight years as well. They both must be. They were each appointed and selected by God. As was every president and other elected leader our nation and localities have ever had.

Here are some things that have annoyed me about my fellow believers, and myself as well, when it comes to having leadership that stands counter to what we believe. We as Christians should put our hope, faith and trust in higher things than the president. If we do, the many issues we have with the incoming president and any other would be null and void:

Abortion
If we do our job as Christians -- to make disciples of all and to love others as Christ loves us -- then that alone would reduce if not nullify the abortion rate in this country. People don't get abortions because they're legal. They get abortions because they have not been introduced to the love of God; to the fact that his laws regarding sexual conduct are there to protect us and help us more enjoy our life. If people had a better understanding of Scripture they would know that human life is sacred -- born, and unborn. We ought not depend on government to pick up the slack where we have let our responsibilities slide. We need to become more "pro-life" and less "anti-abortion."

Welfare
If we do our job as Christians, the state would not have any opportunity to care for the poor. Jesus was very specific in his calling for us to feed the hungry, clothe the poor, care for the infirm, rehabilitate prisoners, etc. -- because we may be doing it to Christ himself. Who held this responsibility before the New Deal and Great Society programs? The church and the community. The church should be putting the state out of this business.

National Security
Radical Islam is one of the greatest threats to this nation. And Islam is the most rapidly growing religion in the world. Why is this the case? Why is it not Christianity? Granted, we don't threaten people to convert as they sometimes do. But one reason Hamas, for example, is popular in Lebanon is because they work to meet the needs of the community in which they are present. Their motives are questionable. But the people WANT Hamas there, in large part. Hamas is their welfare. Christianity presents an indispensable benefit to every community in which it has a presence. In military terms, the only way one army can occupy the territory of another, without combat, is for the other party to give up -- to surrender.

I could go on and on. Prayer in schools -- it wouldn't be necessary if there were more prayer in homes and more godly parents. Sex education in schools -- same thing. If more parents took their responsibilities more seriously then the schools wouldn't have to. And even the economy is not exempt from this. If we as Christians worked to meet the needs of our neighbors -- which is everyone we are in contact with -- would we have as much of a housing crisis? If we practiced the frugality and the principle of tithing that the Bible teaches, would we have a housing crisis? Debt? Credit issues?

The bottom line, and what I've been being convicted of lately, is this:
If we as Christians did our job to the fullest extent of what Christ intended, we would not have the issues we have. There is certainly a role for government, but if we did our job, it wouldn't be a fraction of the size it is today.

The Bible is clear. Our faith, our hope, our trust, our peace, our strength -- is in Christ alone. Not the government. Not a leader. Not a political party. In Christ and Christ alone.

Presdient-elect Obama said, describing the current economic situation, that we have dug ourselves into a deep hole. Well, we as Christians have dug ourselves into another deep hole. But it's never too late to start living the life that God intended his people to live.

Perhaps this is the real calling for Barack Obama. To show God's people that we have lost our way and that if we fulfill our Biblical calling we can show the world that Jesus is the greatest Hope and the greatest source of positive Change possible.

Being an ex-Husband

This is something I never thought I'd be pondering. I always expected to think about being a good husband, a better husband, a godly husband, a sensitive husband, a patient husband, an honest husband, etc. But I never thought I'd be thinking about what it means to be an ex-husband. More importantly, however, what it means to be a Godly ex-husband.

What's clear is what it means to be a worldly ex-husband. That, unfortunately, is easy:

• Denigrate your ex-wife at every opportunity
• Call her nasty names at every opportunity, especially the b-word
• Disparage her to friends and family members -- hers, as well as yours
• Absolve yourself of all the responsibilities toward her that you once had
• Play the field -- date, flirt and mess around as soon as and as much as possible
• Talk poorly about her to your kids
• Be rude and aloof to her parents and other family and friends
• Disrespect her in every possible way
• Ridicule her at every opportunity
• Do nothing more for her than absolutely and legally necessary

Now, the question then, is what does it mean to be a Godly ex-husband? That -- is much trickier. The Bible is very clear on what it means to be a Godly husband. I'm not real clear on what it says about being a Godly ex-husband. But I do know what it says about being a Godly man. So then, why should we not apply that to being a Godly ex-husband?

There is one premise that sticks in my mind that I think is important: She is the mother of my children and the woman to whom I pledged, before God and man, to love and respect for the rest of my life. Does the fact that she opted out of that pledge and pursued divorce change what I pledged -- what I promised? Well, it certainly changes the situation. Largely, she no longer wants (apparently) my love or to be a partner with me. I seldom see her, rarely speak to her, so that certainly reduces any opportunity to express Godly love.

So then, how do I try to be a Godly ex-husband -- no matter what she has done or said:

• Respect her -- do not speak poorly of her to anyone at any time for any reason
  
• Love her -- do not return slight for slight
  
• Forgive her -- I've certainly made my share of screw-ups that contributed to this situation; she's had her moments as well. That she has responsibility in no way minimizes or absolves me of my responsibility.
  
• Support her in whatever way I can -- monetarily, emotionally, spiritually, etc. -- to whatever degree she will accept it
• Do not, under any circumstances, speak poorly of her to my children. Support her as much as possible when speaking to them.
• Love her family. If nothing else, they are still family to my children. One relationship has already been sacrificed in their life -- there's no need for more to be.
• Pray for her. She is going through similar issues as me -- some more so, some less so. As the mother of our children, and their primary caregiver right now, it is imperative that she be lifted up in prayer to be a Godly woman and mother.
• Not be consumed with my own needs. My children need their father. They've already lost their parents. Then can't afford to lose their mother and their father. While I certainly have my needs, the only need of mine that should come before them is my need for a sound relationship with Christ.
• No rush to date. I'm not in a good emotional state for it. Heck, I'm not in a good financial state for it! And it would be added confusion for my kids. They already have confusion about why mommy and daddy don't live together anymore. They already have confusion with their mom having had two men in her life since the separation. They don't need any confusion with their dad. If God sees fit for me to be in another relationship, He will bring that relationship to me. I don't need to seek it out. I just need to seek Him out and all of my other needs will follow.

As when we were married, I'm not always as successful as I'd like to be in these areas. It's a tall order. But this I do know -- when we were married my calling was to love her as Christ loves the church. Now that we are divorced my calling to love "my wife" may be void, though I have my doubts, but my calling to love my neighbor is still intact.

So, here's where I find myself -- I hate the things that have happened. I hate many things she has done. I hate many of the things that I have done. I hate the situation my children are in, through no fault of their own -- hate it. But -- yes, it is true -- I still love my ex-wife. A little differently than when we were married, but I still love her. She is still my neighbor. She is still family, as she is my children's mother. To respond any other way would be to continue to gratify the devil in his schemes to destroy the family even further. Our marriage may be over, but our family is not. And I will not let him take that away.

Please keep my children, me and my ex-wife in your prayers. We all need it. And I, for one, covet it greatly. And if you're in a similar position as me, I hope this provides you some encouragement and a challenge to what I believe God calls us to, even in this difficult position.

Life can be a real drag. But God is always really good!

52 Day Dad

I'm writing this on a Friday night on one of the weekends where I have my kids.

I hate to say it, but it was pretty much an awful day. As far as I can remember it's the first time I've really despaired over my situation. Neither of my children listened to me at all. In fact, they disobeyed and flaunted me more than they have in a long, long time. And, pretty much, all day. It was a very unenjoyable day. I felt like Patrick Swayze's character in Ghost -- I was talking, but no one was listening. I was gesturing, but no one was looking at me. I even tried singing "Henry the Eighth" but they didn't get it and couldn't understand my faux cockney accent (ok, so I'm kidding about that part).

It was the kind of day that got me wondering Can an every-other weekend dad really be a father? I can easily be a playmate, or a buddy. But a real father -- can it really be done? And I really don't know. All I know is that I have to try, no matter how futile it may seem.

When our family was together, we had a routine that included me in their lives pretty consistently. I'd wake up my daughter, dress her, and take her to school. That was a very special time with just the two of us to talk, sing along to songs on the radio, and just have some quality time. When I came home, we'd sometimes have family dinner and most days I would give them their baths and put them to bed. Bedtime was usually very special. I'd give my daughter some books to read while I put my son to bed. I had/have a fun little medley of variations on Beach Boys songs that I sang to him after we read a book together. Often he would do his best to sing along which was always wonderfully cute. I'd do much the same with my daughter -- sing some songs, read a book, and we'd say prayers together. And we would do this most every day and night. Thankfully, I don't have too many regrets on the "If I'd Known" angle. But I do miss these times tremendously.

Currently, I see my children two days every two weeks. That's four days a month and around 52 days a year. Fifty-two days out of three-hundred and sixty-five. Now I do get the odd day with them and holidays and such, and have been trying to work a time to take advantage of a week-long vacation option I have with them, but that's what I know I have with them -- 52 days. It's not enough. Not nearly enough.

Now, on the days I do have them, I am terribly out of the loop. Are they being bad just for me or is this the way they're behaving now? They are getting older and to that age where they become more strong-willed and independent-minded. What are their routines? What is "normal" behavior for them? What are their likes and dislikes -- food, entertainment, music, etc.? How are they being disciplined at home? Are they being disciplined at home? With whom else are they spending quality time (this is the one that kills me most)? I just don't know. Getting even basic information on them from my ex-wife is like getting the truth from a politician -- it's possible, but even when you do, you're not sure you really did!

So I do what I can. I try to make their time with me somewhat educational -- so I'm playing a part in raising them and not just entertaining them. I still discipline them and try to hold to the same rules we had before, but I don't know if it is consistent anymore. I do little things. I ask my boy "Who's the man?" "I am", he replies. "Who's your daddy?" "You are!" he replies. I tell them both, but particularly my daughter that "I am your daddy. I am your only daddy. I will always be your daddy. And you will always be my daughter/son. Some things may change, but that will never change."

My ex is already looking to get engaged, I think (we divorced officially in August 08 and separated in August 07). Her boyfriend (the second one since we separated) has been telling them that he's their step-father. I tell my kids that he is not. That until and if he and mommy get married then he is "mommy's friend". But he is around them, as far as I can discern, every day. He'll pick up Ivey from school. He'll take her to school. He'll put them to bed. But, I maintain to them, he is not their daddy. He never will be. He may become their stepdad. But he will never be their dad. That is me, and that will always be me.

I tried talking to my daughter about such things today and thought I had her attention until she glanced up at me and said "I wish I had three hands!" At that point I realized that there really are no serious conversations with six year olds! I'm not even going to attempt it with my 3-year old!

There is, however, one thing I know, and one thing that sustains me -- God is in control. Not me. Not my ex. And not my children. God. And He knows tomorrow better than we know yesterday. He sees my life as one big mural, from start to finish in one large representation. I see my life as a book -- a book in which I cannot skip ahead. Or like a TV series where you never know beyond the current episode -- and with no previews of next week!

And God has given me this peace and knowledge -- that while I may only be with my kids for 52 days out of the year, I am now, always have been, and always will be -- their father. The more time I can get with them the better -- on the phone, in letters, with pictures in their rooms -- this all helps. But one-on-one time is unmatched.

And it reminds me of my relationship with God -- 52 days out of the year. One Sunday a week. It's not enough. It will never be enough. True -- he will still be my father, no matter what changes my life may see. But every little bit of contact I can get with Him is helpful. And one-on-one time is best. But no matter what, he will always be my Father. And for that, I am eternally grateful and will seek daily to find more days and more ways to spend with Him.

The most must be made of every opportunity -- opportunities for me to spend time with my Heavenly Father, and opportunities for my children to spend time with their father. It is the only way the proper relationship can be sustained.